Growing up, even in my late teens, I never ever imagined that I would have kids. I was the person who couldn’t handle kids, didn’t want to hold them, had never changed a nappy before and had no inclination to (even though my baby sister was a good 10years younger than me, so really, I’m sure I was old enough to help my mum!), I just couldn’t see myself with children anywhere in my life EVER. Fast forward to a good 12years or so later and I am absolutely besotted by our little boy…Ethan is such a blessing in my life. I can’t wait to get home every day just to see his smile and spend a few hours playing with him before bedtime and even his terrible sleeping patterns don’t make me love him any less, in fact, they make me love him even more because even with his terrible broken sleep, he wakes up the happiest chap every morning.
I often look at Ethan and wonder where the time has gone. I still feel like I’m a little child – I guess this has a lot to do with my gran and how she also viewed life which has probably passed down the generations in some way – even at the tender age of 90, she had a conversation with my mum something to the tune of when I get old, you should just put me in an old age home, I don’t want to be a burden on you like so and so…yup, at 90!!!! she still felt young and that’s how I feel. I don’t feel old enough to have a house, be married and have a child. Do I look like a mum, what does a mum really look like? I look at some of the ladies in the office with two or three kids and think, wow, they look wwwaaayyyyy too young to have kids. Do people think that of me or do I look old enough to have a family with “big people’s” responsibilities??? I mean, I pay off a car, a house, I have debt (although this one I’m not that proud of), I cook dinner every night and I even do monthly grocery shopping. My cousin and I often chat about how the time has flown and how it feels like just the other day that we were at school, ducking and diving to go to this club or that, kissing boys behind the park wall, having a couple of drinks and a few smokes here and there and now we’re PARENTS! Wow!!!
The one thing I will always remember my mum clearly saying is that if she knew that we loved her as much as she loved her own mother, she would feel happy and complete as a mum. Mum, I love you probably even MORE than you loved ma. You are the perfect example to me of what a mother should be. Being a mother so far has definitely had its challenges but with your constant love, support, advise and your amazing example to look up to and aspire to emulate, I KNOW that I will be a great mum to Ethan (and to any other kid(s) that we may have in the future!). You are absolutely amazing and I thank God every day for choosing you as my mother. Here’s a little poem that I picked up that I think just says it all…
How did you find the energy, Mom
To do all the things you did,
To be teacher, nurse and counselor
To me, when I was a kid.
How did you do it all, Mom,
Be a chauffeur, cook and friend,
Yet find time to be a playmate,
I just can’t comprehend.
I see now it was love, Mom
That made you come whenever I’d call,
Your inexhaustible love, Mom
And I thank you for it all.
By Joanna Fuchs
Love you mum xxx