…from Master Ethan Howe 🙂
Mum, don’t you get it from my “da, ba, ya, ga, yaya, eh”…I’ve been trying to communicate with you for ages but you just.won’t.listen. So hopefully this will clear up a few of my issues. I KNOW we live in a small flat and it’s all that you and daddy can afford at the moment and I know that we’re moving within a few weeks to a bigger place with more space but SERIOUSLY, can you please just try and understand me when I nicely tell you the following about…
– It’s REALLY REALLY small. There is NO ROOM for me to move. You don’t want me to hold onto the rocking chair ‘cos it moves, you don’t want me to open the draws in my compactum ‘cos Jeanette packs my clothes so nicely that I’m not allowed to use my “artistic flare” to rearrange everything, you don’t want me to open the cupboards ‘cos there’s stuff in there you don’t want me to take out…I’m starting to wonder if you are really trying to protect me or if you’re a
psycho hoarder afraid that when I open the cupboards, everything will fall out – what.is.with.that??!!!!
– The “extra things” lying around that I’m also not allowed to touch…does daddy really use the weights? They seem to be collecting a lot of dust and really, I CAN pick them up, I tried just the other day. I know I’m not even 10months yet but if I start now, I could have amazing muscles shortly – oh please just let me pick up the weights!!
– Why can’t I play with the ironing board? I mean, unless Jeanette is ironing (which doesn’t happen that often, don’t tell her I said that!) it just sits there collecting dust similar to the weights. It is SOOOOOOO much more fun pulling it and watching it fall to the floor. Okay okay, I know I’ll get hurt if it falls on me but so far it hasn’t so I really don’t understand why I can’t keep playing with it. Will you please STOP.HIDING.IT.BEHIND.THE.ROCKING.CHAIR!!!! I can see it and one day, I’m going to get it when
you’re not looking you give me permission!
– I know we use the pram every day and I really do enjoy our afternoon strolls but I need to know (as I’m sure you do) that the pram is safe and of the best quality and highest standards and that’s why…I have to bite the wheels
at every opportunity occasionally. Think of it as a quality check mum! Come on…I’m sure if you were MY age, you’d also want to give them a bite and it’s much better than biltong when it comes to teething 🙂
– Okay, firstly, how come you guys get the bigger room – I don’t understand – my next room BETTER be as cool as yours! Your sleigh bed is awesome but the wood should have been just a little bit softer ‘cos biting into the wood is completely unpleasant for me…my poor teeth (and no, it’s not good for teething)!
– Why do you have a mirror that’s the same height as you and I totally don’t understand why I can’t hold onto either side and stand up – I mean, dad has secured it with the legs of the fan so that it doesn’t fall, why are you guys so paranoid! Standing straight up in front of the mirror is so super cool…please let me do it!!!
– Come on, can we please have a rule that if your shoes are lying around, I can put them in my mouth? You already don’t let me eat my own shoes, can we just agree that I have first dibs to things left lying around!
– Why do the cats get to spend the whole day in your room AND bite your shoes…and more importantly, why do they run away every time I get near – all I want to do is pull out a nice handful of their hair or pull their tails…I love them just as much as you guys do, why can’t they see that??
– How come it took so long for you to be sick and to lay in your bed all day – I only realized YESTERDAY that you have a tv in your room. How cool is that??? You see, I told you your room was cooler!
– If you don’t want me to eat off the floor, make sure that the food is NOT ON THE FLOOR. Hello??? Surely we can adopt the “shoe rule” to anything in the house. As far as I’m concerned, anything on the floor belongs in my mouth!
– Why can’t I open the draws…okay mum, sometimes I actually DO listen and I know that if you pull the bottom draw out, the top ones will come out too unless you hold both at the same time but who cares???? I’d totally love it if ALL four draws fell out. Think of the awesome things that I could find in there to put in my mouth!!!!
– Why do I get nothing out of the sweet cupboard – dad is in there all the time and I NEVER get anything…okay, sometimes when you’re not looking, daddy gives me some of the stuff he’s eating and that’s how come I know the stuff in there is awesome…why can’t YOU give it to my mum? Why are you holding out on me! What are we waiting for…Christmas???!!!!!!
The lounge/dining room…
– PUT.YOUR.STUFF.AWAY…if you don’t, as per above, I.WILL.EAT.IT. I don’t care if it’s paper and shouldn’t be eaten – I personally love paper!
– The biggest thing in the house – the security gate – just leave me to climb it. Boys like to climb, I can do it! Stop being so paranoid, I’m not going to get to the top any time soon, Rome wasn’t built in one day!!!
– Why can’t I eat the cat food – it’s on the floor, the cats love it and it’s always just there?! Think about it this way, if I eat it every now and again, you won’t have to worry about giving me snacks every day 😉
– Mum, why did you have to clean up the Vicks cough mixture when I dropped it on the floor – I could have licked it up all by myself, it smelt so good!
– Please please please tell me that the new house has a bath – bathing in my compactum bath while sitting in the shower, pfft, I’m over that, I’m big now, I wanna stand in the bath!!!!!
– The medicine cupboard is awesome. It’s full of fantastic things. I’m just gonna pop in every now and again to have a look and hey, if I see something I like, I may just take it out. Don’t worry though, I’ll only go in about 5times a day!
– Mum, again, I think that you’re being over protective – I don’t understand why you don’t want me to drink my bath water or to suck the sponge that you bath me with, what’s up with that?!
Mum, I hope that I’m not offending you with the above. I’m seriously looking forward to our new place and I know that you’re doing your best to be the coolest mum in the world but…….YOU NEED TO TRY HARDER. Listen to ME, I’ll tell you how to be cool 😉
Love you mama xxx