Today, while trying to pass time taking a small break at work, I came across this blogpost – A Faint Glimmer of hope.  It made me think of the day that I did the first pregnancy test that gave the “double line” result when I first found out that I was pregnant with Ethan.  The hubby and I had been trying for a few months before I conceived, and like most over eager women (or maybe it was just me?), I had done more than three tests in just as many months hoping for a positive result.  It’s funny, I was always the person who didn’t want kids and couldn’t handle being around noisy, whiny kids until something inside me started yearning to have a child and once I got that yearning, I almost became desperate to fall pregnant. 

The morning that I did the test was a Saturday morning much like any other “pre-Ethan” Saturday morning.  I was up at the crack of dawn and the hubby was fast asleep, so as not to wake him up, I curled up on the couch to watch tv and have a cup of tea before my music students arrived.  That morning, I had terrible stomach cramps that felt very much like “that time of the month” cramps.  I had done a pregnancy test about a week before that which had produced a negative result, so it really didn’t even cross my mind that I could be pregnant.  As I lay on the couch, I started thinking of how nauseous I had been for the few days before that and I decided to do a pregnancy test just in case.  When I got the two lines, I immediately went weak in the knees.  I rushed into the room, woke hubby up and showed him the test.  In his sleepy state, it didn’t click right away – in fact, he said something like – HUH, WHAT IS THAT and I told him it’s two lines babe to which he said something like – WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? (quite clearly, I was the ONLY eager one!!! – or maybe he was still half asleep 🙂 ).  When it finally dawned on him, he was equally as excited as I was, but insisted that I do another test just to check.  I did another test the next morning which showed positive again and we immediately went to the hospital to get a blood test just to make 1000% sure!!! 

That day feels like ages ago!  13months later and Ethan is growing so lovely as I’ve blogged about time and time again.  He’s a very active, cheerful and mischevious boy and is an absolute pleasure to be around.  He goes to sleep on his own with his night time bottle and his teddy and generally, doesn’t sleep too bad (relatively speaking of course!).  The past three nights, however, have been an absolute nightmare – we had no idea what was keeping Ethan up, assuming that it was just teething.  [Side note here:  Ethan is STILL not sleeping through the night but waking up about twice a night for 5minutes at a time is a LOOOTTTT different to getting up six to eight times a night as we’ve been doing for the last three nights!]  Although I couldn’t see any swollen gums, the usual teething symptoms were there.  I had said to our nanny that I was giving it until today before taking him to the doctor just to get him checked out, but then on my way home yesterday evening, the hubby called me to tell me that Ethan wasn’t looking right at all and that he thought we should take him straight to the doctor.  After a few calls, I managed to find a doctor that was still open after 6pm and after waiting half an hour to see him, the doctor diagnosed Ethan with a bad ear infection and inflamed tonsils.  My poor baby!  He got an injection, antibiotics, suppositories and a few other meds to hopefully make him recover asap.

Being all dosed up and barely able to keep his eyes open, we were hoping that he’d sleep better last night but unfortunately that wasn’t the case.  Although we didn’t have to deal with two hours of him screaming down the house as we had done the night before, he wouldn’t go back to bed with just his dummy and I had to rock him and sing him back to bed at 10pm and again at 2:30am as he just couldn’t get settled.  As I sat there with him lying in my arms, it made me think back to the first few months when I spent ages trying to put Ethan to sleep by rocking him in my arms either pacing the room, sitting propped up rather uncomfortably on our bed or rocking him in his rocking chair.  At the time, I complained non-stop because he was such a big baby and my poor arms constantly felt like they were going to fall off but now, I miss those days.  Just to sit last night with Ethan laying against my chest holding my finger with his little hand made my heart pour over with love.  Although my boy has been big from birth and is much bigger than the average baby his age, I sometimes forget that he’s still a little baby. 

I feel like such a terrible mother for not picking up any signs that it was more than teething.  There my child was suffering in pain and I was just carrying on like normal hoping that a tooth/teeth would pop up somewhere soon and then we could get back to our usual routine.  It is the worst feeling in the world to have a sick and crying baby and have no idea what to do or how to make it better 😦  Really hoping that he gets better soon!! 

Love you baby boy xxx

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