The age old debate – be a stay at home mum or work?! No, that’s not my dilemna at the moment although I do think those who have the option of either are pretty fortunate. In fact, I can safely say that even if I had that option, I’d choose to work. Yes I love my kids, but guys, it’s seriously.hard.work being a stay at home mum. Unless you have help to do the cleaning at the very least, it’s no joke. It’s hard enough to look after your child/children but playing house on top of that – no thanks!! Now a half day job, hmmm, just maybe…but I digress.

Nobody warned me when my first child was born that having a child gives you the added and instant pleasure of mummy guilt as well. From the day your child’s born, you have it. Example…nurse asks on my first night of being a mum for the first time if I’d like my child to sleep with me or in the nursery…instead of getting the rest and recovering from major abdominal surgery while I can, I say, no thanks, I’d like my baby right next to me please. Guilt right there…how can I let my child be in the nursery while I’m just laying here sleeping!! Okay, not everybody experienced that in the hospital, but I did with both my births and my mummy guilt didn’t stop there…

From feeling guilty leaving Ethan alone with his own father so that I could get a few minutes of sanity and “me time” to sleeping out for a night or going on work offsites…I constantly felt guilty to leave my child alone. And it wasn’t that I was worried about babysitters – we had a more than reliable nanny, the hubster is more than capable and my sister and the boys’ grandparents are ever willing and also more than capable but I would always have this terrible feeling of guilt when leaving him especially if it were by choice and purely to enjoy an evening or weekend out. Even feeling relaxed and at ease sans the guilt on date night took me forever to get to!

I was told by countless people that it would get better with baby number 2 but it didn’t! Perhaps it’s still too early and it’ll get better as Riley gets older??!!! Leaving Riley alone with the nanny is hard enough as is even just to pop out to run an errand. And it’s not that I don’t trust her…it’s more the fact that he’s the reason that I’m on maternity leave in the first place and so I feel the need to be with him constantly. Popping out even to get groceries is a timed exercise and just being out ten minutes later than I told the nanny gets me into a flat panic! On my first day alone at home on leave (this was before we got our full time nanny in), I was already questioning what I was going to do at home every day for the next 4months or so. You see, the thing is that I actually enjoy (well, as much as a person can enjoy) my job and I really like my colleagues so being at work for me is not such a bad thing!!

Having said all that, after much thought, I’ve made the decision to go back to work earlier. Yes, it took me a while to decide and I’ve received a lot of “but whhhyyyyy”‘s from people I’ve told because let’s face it, I won’t ever get this opportunity again seeing as we’re done in the baby making department, but I’m finally at peace with my decision! I’m happy to go back to work earlier just for my own sanity. Sitting at home for another three and a half months will drive me absolutely batty!! There’s only so much coo’ing a person can do in a day, and with the majority of people I know being at work, not only are my social outings limited due to lack of availability, but going out for coffees and lunches every other day is expensive!! If only I could take my maternity leave once Riley’s 1year old and more interactive, perhaps I’d feel different 🙂 Each man to their own I guess…

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2 responses »

  1. Jozi says:

    Felt exactly the same Jods! By 2 to 3 months I was missing being at work, but right now I wish I could be at home at this age where it’s so much fun to watch his daily discoveries.

  2. MamaCat says:

    We need happy mommies for happy babies. I too was happy to get back to work

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