WARNING : this post is a little moaning session and talks a lot about breastfeeding…any male readers may want to stop reading now!!

I think that I’m a good mum – I really do. Sure, I’m not perfect. I lose my patience, throw my toys out of the cot at times, b*tch and moan over silly things (I’m not sure if 3years sleepless nights may justify said b*tching and moaning…perhaps?!)…but overall, I don’t think I’m doing too bad a job. I have hit a few stumbling blocks along the way as is to be expected I guess but this has totally thrown me!

Now to take you back a little bit…40weeks pregnant with Ethan, 18.5kgs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight and totally over being pregnant (yes, you get that way after 40weeks!…maybe even 30-hehe), my doctor kindly induced me at the crack of dawn on a Monday morning, and after 8hours of nothing happening, advised that I have a c-section. The hubster and I had had the discussion long before this day of course, and had always agreed that we’d go with the gynae’s advice on the day, but when he suggested a c-section…to say I was disappointed is an understatement!! I had really wanted to go “natural”. I felt like a failure, like my body wasn’t good enough. In hindsight…I feel like a total loser for having those feelings, but at the time, it was very real and heart wrenching for me. I remember doing that ugly cry that all woman do…the one where you really just want to be alone in your pity party and your husband is happy to give you “the pink slip” and hightail it out of there leave you be…seriously disappointed that my body wasn’t working as it should. All of 10minutes later, I was being wheeled into theatre and adorable Ethan was popped into my arms less than half an hour thereafter.

Two weeks later, I was having a similar feeling of disappointment and failure as my breast milk wasn’t coming (in my humble opinion because I knew so much about it then!!) fast enough. Again, I felt like my body wasn’t working the way it was supposed to. Needless to say, a day or so later, that problem disappeared, and I happily went on to breastfeed until Ethan was 6months old, just like I had planned.

Roll on 3years later…the easiest baby a mum could ask for. Planned c-section as no gynae would do a VBAC (I asked all of four), and although I was slightly disappointed, I had mentally prepared myself for this. It was no surprise and I’d had the op before – I was ready to meet the new member of our family a week after Ethan celebrated his third birthday.

This time around, my milk came quickly – by day 4 already – and I immediately got a prescription for the nipple cream with cortisone that the nurse had prescribed after some serious cracked and bleeding nipples the first time around – so breastfeeding Riley was a breeze compared to Ethan.

Three months down the line and mister unexpectedly just seems to want to stop! Now I’m not one of those mums who is against formula…both my kids were formula fed almost immediately as a “top up”…but in my mind, I thought I’d breastfeed Riley until at least 6months as I did with Ethan. Let’s face it…making bottles constantly, checking the temperature and needing two hands to take out that inner thingymabob at feeding time is a bit of a pain compared to popping a boob out!!! But it looks like I will have no option. Mr seems to feed only on one side every now and again. I’ve been trying for 5days now to get him back to feeding regularly, hoping that it’s just his bronchiolitis that’s put him off it, but watching him cry with his open mouth around my nipple not wanting to latch or trying to push him into a feeding position while he pulls away with all his might is clearly a sign, don’t you think?!?! No, I wasn’t overly excited to breastfeed again but now that I’m going to stop, unplanned and so early, I must admit that I do have those same feelings of failure and disappointment that I felt with my first c-section and first time feeding. But as my mum says, I was only breastfed for 6weeks and there’s nothing wrong with me…or so she thinks…she may just be a little biased 😉

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5 responses »

  1. MamaCat says:

    So sorry. It really hits hard when you think you are failing. You are a great mom and breastfeeding is not the yardstick.
    Maybe you still want to try so I will offer a few things.
    Try unblocking his nose just before feeding. They will refuse to feed of they cannot breathe properly. You can do beak in the nose

  2. MamaCat says:

    Breast milk in the nose works. Our just give him some time.

    • Jodie says:

      Thanks MamaCat – the thing is that he feeds fine n the bottle so I can’t understand how the breast can be any different. At any rate, I think I’m just gonna call it a day on this one 🙂

  3. MamaCat says:

    You are a great mom.

  4. lola says:

    I feel your disappointment. You are an awesome mummy. Nash also recently decided that he wants nothing to do with my booby. I was heartbroken but then again I had said I would breastfeed until he doesn’t want to. I was hoping for 2 yrs lol

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