Guys, I’ve been battling with this no sleep thing!  I don’t know why how I’ve dealt with it for so long with Ethan…he literally has only started sleeping through the night this year and he’s almost 4.  Yes, I’ve dealt with sleepless nights for thiiiissssssss long!!  In fact, I don’t even know what a full night’s rest feels like anymore.  When I do get the chance to just sleep, my body can’t.  It doesn’t know how to sleep anymore!!  I tried the tough love thing and we broke it.  Well, in my opinion we did.  I guess I just wasn’t strong enough.  I wasn’t comfortable to let my child cry it out.  I knew he’d eventually grow out of it and he has…eventually.  But now I’m dealing with it all over again and I’m torn as to what to do.

Riley’s literally been waking up for a full week 5/6times a night.  IT.IS.EXHAUSTING!  And somehow, the second time around, my patience is lacking.  I can’t remember Ethan being like this – well, I can remember that at a stage, he was waking up 8-10times a night (perhaps Riley’s building me up slowly!! 😉 ) – but it seems like a very distant memory.  Boy is it harder this time around!!  Perhaps it’s because Riley took so long to stop sleeping through the night.  He was sleeping right through, 12 straight hours, at 7weeks believe it or not and stopped at round about 6months…almost 5months later, I think I’ve accepted the fact that he’s not going to sleep through the night any more, but it’s almost like I don’t want to accept it.  It’s like I’m in denial.  And boy child is trying his best to make it more difficult by the night.

Then yesterday, I left work on a really bad note.  I got a really bitchy remark from somebody that made me so angry, I wanted to cry.  Not because I was upset (which of course I was), but because I was so freaking angry and I had to just keep it all in, I couldn’t even retort!  I still cannot believe it.  I’m still seething mad but life goes on you know.  Because at the end of the day…it’s work.  And you can’t take things personally.  You can’t let it get you down.  Because someone somewhere lost a child yesterday.  Somebody my mother knows lost her grandchild – the father drove over his own child.  And when I think about it, in the grand scheme of things, what difference does that work comment really make?!  It’s just a comment!

My kids are alive and healthy.  They may not sleep through the night, they may drive me insane, they may make coming to work something I look forward to instead of something I loathe (come on parents, you get me on this one!!)…but they’re mine, all mine.  My blessing that I get to hold every night.  And through the sleepless nights and crying and screaming and trying to be a better person.  And trying to be the perfect mother and wife…my kids are alive and I have been given another day on this earth.  I have a family, I have a job, I have a roof over my head, I have food on my table…I am blessed, I am loved, I am alive!

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6 responses »

  1. Nasima says:

    hang in there xxx

  2. debraaukett says:

    Sleep deprivation is awful, I know how you feel. Sending you massive hugs, even this shall pass and it will get better again.

  3. MamaCat says:

    Well Ihad only one, and it took him three years to sleep through the night. I was very tired. In desperation I let him sleep in our bed, and that is all it took to get him to sleep through the night. He still sleeps in our bed a year later, and I am too afraid to move him.
    Hang in there.

    • Jodie says:

      I know a lot of people move their kid(s) into their beds but I’ve always been against that. Even when Ethan was waking up 10times a night, I’d traipse to his room and back all 10times. I hope that desperation doesn’t cause me to cave on this one 😉

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