…with my kids…and I felt like a failure…for that short period of time!  But now, a few days later, I realise that these things happen.  We all have those moments.  And really, it doesn’t make me a bad mother…well, I hope not…

So, Sunday was a chilled day for us.  In fact, we didn’t even do the morning rush to church.  When we woke up, I was absolutely exhausted (thanks to Riley who’s been playing with my emotions in the sleep department!) and with Ethan nursing a croup cough that appeared overnight, I just decided that rushing to get to church wouldn’t make the day any better.  I really hope that God forgives me for those mornings!!!  They really happen so seldom 😦  At any rate, the morning was relatively uneventful.  Ethan didn’t feel like playing with the complex kids so he was in the house for the most part of the morning.  Riley had his usual nap and I spent a lot of time cleaning out Ethan’s junk toy box.  We even took a drive to Hamley’s and when we returned, Riley had a nap and Ethan sat down to relax and watch a movie.  You could say we were chilled, we’d had some good family time, and the weekend looked like it was ending on a good note.

Queue 5pm.  The hubster decided to wash his car so Ethan and two of his buddies were assisting outside in the boiling hot sun.  Let me mention at this point that Ethan had been up since after 6am and had not had a nap at all.  Riley had had his afternoon nap but it was less than an hour because Ethan had run into the house screeching and so he was rudely awoken!  So from around 5, Riley was doing the whining thing – you know that thing that babies do when you least need it.  Anyhoo, I made the kids supper and at 6, I started feeding Riley.  He was doing okay in the feeding department until big brother made an entrance.  Riley promptly lost all interest in eating.  So I tried dinner option number 2!  Ethan at this point was moping as daddy had made him bring in some of the cleaning stuff and he was too tired and they were too heavy and he didn’t.want.to.do.it!  So I quickly got him seated for dinner and I could just see his face pull up with that “oh, is this what you made me, I don’t eat xyz” look…for bangers and chips…plain and simple!  Hmmm.  When I got the “mum, I need a wee”, I knew it was downhill from there.

At this point, Riley was on to dinner option 3 (yes, I’m that mother in the feeding department…I try anything and everything to make the kids eat) and I was just about at the end of my tether.  You see, Ethan’s been fussing over dinner for a good few weeks now, and so most dinners end in tears and serious irritation from me.  But my patience levels, somehow, are really high with my kids in general.  I very rarely lose it!!  In fact, I think I lose it with the hubster (bad, I know…something I’m really working on…we all have our faults 😦 ) more easily than I do with the kids.  But on Sunday, I was on a one way track to total meltdown.  I could feel the fumes coming out of my ears the minute Ethan asked for a wee.  I shouted at him, the tears started (I didn’t mention that there’d been a few gagging motions from his after just two bites of his sausage already at this stage) and he ran to the bathroom.  At this stage, Riley was full blown crying and when the hubster came inside, I literally threw Riley at him and told him that he better get the kids into the bath before I kill somebody.  With that, Ethan started screaming the house down for me to come and I just knew what awaited me…yes, he forced himself to vomit!  Whether it’s just that he’s so worked up or that he literally makes himself sick from the food, I don’t know, but it’s not the first time that it’s happened.

I got to the bathroom and started screaming at the top of my lungs.  I’m pretty sure that our neighbours could hear me and were probably staring bug eyed out of their curtains checking whether they should call the police!  I sent Ethan to his room where he proceeded to vomit all over his bed (not just on the duvet – on the duvet, the fitted sheet AND the night frill).  And the mattress protector didn’t even protect the bed.  He managed to vomit on the corner – you know that space that the protector doesn’t cover…that tiny little space…yes, he got that proper!!  More screaming, more tears.  I was livid!  I didn’t give him a smack although I know that all this was just him being naughty.  In that moment of anger, I knew that if I smacked him, it would be much harder than I would have wanted to – what do they say, never hit when you’re angry?!  Thankfully, my mind was still lucid enough to follow that advice.  Or rather, Ethan is pretty lucky 😉  He undressed and said that he was going to bath.  The demon in me told him that he’s not going anywhere till I say so.  Shame…thinking back now, I really was harsh – bad mum!  A few minutes later, I told him to hurry to the bath and he didn’t even get time to play. I washed him, got him out and changed him so quickly that he didn’t even have time to say anything.

He apologised afterwards as he always does when he’s done something wrong but that didn’t appease the guilt that I was feeling so heavily thereafter.  Of course, I fed him something else because I can’t just let my child starve (I gave Riley yoghurt as well), but I made it very clear to him that that was the last.  Eating from Monday was going to be military style.  No more snacks after school, no juice at dinner, nothing!  Until he learns to eat (and he’s old enough to understand that!), that’s it.  No.more.nice.mum!!!

Yesterday morning he woke up and the first thing he asked me was “mum, what did you make for dinner tonight”.  When I told him chicken and rice, he said “my favourite! I’m going to eat all my dinner tonight” which is exactly what he did last night after a bit of coaxing and so all’s well that ends well….until the next episode.  That’s the funny thing about kids, they forget so easily!  Not so much for the mother though…that guilt is still sitting on my conscience and I really hope that I don’t get to that point again soon!!!

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One response »

  1. MamaCat says:

    Aww, big hugs for you. I resolved not to fight about food. It used to upset me so much, now I have about three options and that is it. East or not, food is freely available.

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