It’s a given, once you have children…you are riddled with guilt for like…EVER! Or maybe it’s just the age that mine are at? Is this one of those – this too shall pass – things?!
In an ideal world, the hubster would like me to be a stay at home mum. In the real world – one where there are bonds and cars to pay, groceries to be bought, petrol that goes up every other month, school fees and the likes – financially, it’s impossible. But not even financially guys…I honestly think that I’m a better mum because I come to work every day! I don’t think that I could be with the kids every.minute.of.every.single.day. I think we’d all drive each other batty. And let’s not mention the cleaning of the house. I mean, in a perfect world, I’d probably survive if I were to only do the school pick up, homework etc. and then lay on my back and catch up on series or have a mid morning nap or read a book while basking in the sun alongside that dream pool that will be all mine. In the real world, we’d be eating jam and bread on the daily and we wouldn’t be able to afford a domestic so who would be cleaning up…well…good old MOI of course 😉
But mornings like this morning make me think twice about being a stay at home mum. This morning, I started loading the car with all the goodies I needed to bring in to work for our Christmas decorations. I had had a peaceful morning getting done all on my lonesome as my crew were all fast asleep. I opened the door to take out my bag first and as I was walking towards the garage, I heard Ethan shouting BYYYYEEEEEE MUUUUMMMMM. He had woken up just as I was walking out of the door and ran to his window, opened the curtain and shouted goodbye to me. So I shouted that I was coming back, dropped my bag and walked back into the house for a big squeeze from my almost 5year old. I got him involved in loading the rest of the goodies in the boot much to his excitement, and when I turned around to kiss him goodbye, he said this to me…”mum, please can you stay with me for a few more minutes”. My heart just shattered into a million pieces there and then.
It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. It’s that guilt of having to leave your kids to do the things that you don’t really want to do, but have to. It’s having to say no to a simple request like this one 😦 And boy, it doesn’t end there! It’s the going out on a week night more than once in the week even if both are work functions. It’s leaving them with dad even (am I cooked?! the hubster says I am) for a bit of time out and having to convince myself that I deserve a pedi or a cuppa with another adult friend. The list goes on and on and on.
Does this mother’s guilt ever end???