Hi and maybe Goodbye

I think it’s time…moving on from this little space. Been thinking a lot about it lately, and honestly, I don’t have much to say or share. I guess I’m in a different space in my life, and I really don’t want to taint this blog that was so special to me for the past 11years with stuff that really feels very separate. Let’s just say I’m in the process of creating Jodie 2.0. Nothing bad about it at all!

I won’t be too quick and close this…let’s see what happens. But for now, I’m starting a few new things. One of them, if you’re interested, is my newest blog.

Ciao for now

xxx

On Connections…

Do you remember “the good old days” when our parents just called up a friend, checked if they were home, and we all got into the car and went for a visit at their house. It wasn’t a biggie! Cake and tea or coffee was usually served, or even just a plate of biscuits with some beverages. It wasn’t arranged 400weeks in advance. It wasn’t an outting you had to budget for. You didn’t have to get dressed up to the nines, book a table at a restaurant and spend a fortune on a meagre slice of toast, the price of which could buy you a loaf of bread at the local shop! It was the connection that was important, more than the what are we going to eat, what must I bring, can you make time for us in your busy schedule. You’re home, we feel like some company, can we come over, SIMPLE.

As an extrovert, I crave human connection. People generally invigorate me. So being at home, as the only adult in the house is challenging in this regard. There’s no other adult here. Yes, I get to see other adults at work, which is the main reason I go into the office as much as I do, but socialising with people outside the office is not the same as with your colleagues at work. Evenings are quiet…there’s only so much talking you can do with your kids, and it can never be adult stuff. Sitting on a phone chatting to somebody is just not the same as talking to them in person, but at least it’s some sort of adult connection, because going out comes with challenges of its own for me. Getting somebody to babysit the kids can be a challenge and comes with mum guilt of its own! Also, going out is expensive y’all. A good meal in a nice restaurant can cost you an arm and a leg. Add an entrance fee in (I love to dance and the place I love the most has a R200 entrance fee!), and you’re easily in for a good R400 for one evening out. Just not feasible to do it often.

So with all the above being said, I’ve gone back to “the good old days”. Free for coffee? Feel like a drink? Feel like some adult company? You’re welcome to come around, I’m home. And that come around doesn’t have to be over the top, fancy or an expensive catering event at all…a few months ago, two girlfriends came over after we’d all dropped our kids at school (we were on leave, don’t worry, we weren’t bunking work!) and I cooked them a full breakfast. We sat out on the verandah and chatted for FOUR HOURS. During the week, a friend popped by in the late afternoon as she had some time available. We had a gin and crunchies I’d just baked. One Saturday afternoon, a girlfriend popped around. We had some wine and I ordered pizza. A few Sundays back, I invited my family over and we had a chicken potjie, and a few drinks.

I’m not saying never go out or never host a full dinner or lunch spread. What I’m saying is that this thing of “keeping up with the Jones’s” has never been my thing and will never be. I don’t need to go out to the fanciest places or host the most exquisite functions at my house. What’s more important for me is the quality time spent with people I want to spend time with in the comfort of my home. I’ve found that this way suits my lifestyle and my pocket better, and at the end of the day, my visitors leave my heart happy and a smile on my face that lasts for some time after their visit ❤

On love languages…

I’m sure that most of you know about the five love languages. You’ve probably done courses on it or read up on it. You’ve probably already identified your own and if asked, can wax lyrical about it. But have you ever thought about what your kids’ love languages are?

Marcia , the Organising Queen, introduced these to me a few years back. I must be honest, at the time, I’d never heard about them, but doing her course made the penny drop. Only recently, when I went back to her blog to read about it again, did I realise that I actually even left a comment and it was related to my kids!

Anyway, I guess life happened, and I actually forgot about these. Not really forgot about it, but I don’t really put much thought into executing things with this in mind. Possibly because I’m in the every day motion of things – just trying to get through one day at a time. But recently, somebody mentioned it to me when Ethan was in a bit of a rut. And when she mentioned it to me, I had a big AHA moment. In the situation we were chatting about, I had tried to encourage Ethan by praising him, using Words of Affirmation, and while I’m sure most kids do in fact respond favourably to this…positive praise…this is not top of the list of Ethan’s love languages.

Top of the list for Ethan is definitely Physical Touch. That child would literally go back into my womb if he could. He’s almost my height and often just lies on top of me, on the bed my full body’s length, and that comforts him. He likes to sit right up next to me whenever he can, our bodies touching. He likes me to hold his hand when we’re walking, or put my hand on his shoulder and he in turn puts his hand around my waist. He loves me to play with his hair when we’re watching tv. Funnily enough, this love language is low on my own list and I find myself at times asking him to move up, or stop touching me. But knowing that this speaks volumes to him, most of the time, I give in to make him happy. I would say that his second love language is Acts of Service. If Ethan can do anything to help me, he’s there like a bear! He’ll happily load the boot with all the school and work bags every morning to make life easier for me. He helps carrying grocery packets in, helps unpacking. Packs the bags/suitcases when we’re travelling for aaaallllll of us (much to Riley’s annoyance). He’ll easily make me a cup of tea on command, do the dishes when requested, fetch my slippers for me at night, or a blanket if I’m feeling cold. It’s so easy to ask him to do things because he actually loves to do them, whereas brother on the other hand, very much not so much…

I would say that top of Riley’s list is Quality Time. If I can sit with Riley and even watch TV or YouTube shorts, his day is made. His favourite thing to do together is anything arts and crafts. He’ll ask to help bake with me, come watch him practise sport at school or sit in my room when he’s in the bath so that he can see me while he baths because he “misses me” (his words, not mine!). As long as it’s me and him, if I give of my time to him, he’s happy. Second on his list is Words of Affirmation. If I so much as say a negative thing to him – even if it’s warranted, like he didn’t listen to instructions – it does. not. land. well. The majority of the time, it ends in tears. If I ask him to do it a second (or hundredth!) time and then praise him for it once he does it, he’ll instantly light up. Interestingly enough, Physical Touch is right at the bottom of his list, and Quality Time is at the bottom of Ethan’s list, although I think that has a lot to do with Ethan’s age and his obsession with his Playstation!! But when they say siblings are often chalk and cheese, this is another area that I’ve found it to be true.

Funnily enough, top of MY list (but nobody’s really worried about mum now are they?!?! 😉 ) is…Gifts. And you’re probably thinking…yeah, but who doesn’t love gifts? I was explaining to my kids this morning, it’s not just receiving a gift for a birthday or Christmas that makes a huge difference to me, it’s the thought that goes into the gift given that speaks volumes to me. And it’s clear in the way that I myself gift, that this is my love language. I am very intentional about gifts that I buy for people. I love finding the ideal gift for the recipient. I’ll often buy something months before a person’s birthday because the gift “screamed” them, or buy a gift randomly for somebody because I thought of them and I knew they loved xyz.

Having said all that, the key for me here is of course to be able to recognise what the child’s gift is, and to “speak to them” using their love language, so that communication becomes more effective. I know it sounds airy flairy, but I’ve seen it work, and now that I’ve reflected a bit on this, I really want to make the effort to put it more into practise.

Happy long weekend lovelies!

xxx

On being the “bigger person”…

No matter what situation you’re going through, no matter how the other person is behaving, how that they treat you, how they talk to you, the things they say about you. Irrespective of the situation(s) they unintentionally or intentionally put you into…remember…you cannot control them nor can you control their actions.

But you can control how YOU react.

It’s hard, but it’s definitely possible to be the “bigger person”. Remember [note to self]…focus on what’s in your control.

Don’t change the person you are. Don’t stoop down to their level. Don’t let anger and bitterness turn you into something ugly, something you’re not and something you’d never want to be.

It. Is. Not. Necessary!!!!

God is in control of every situation. Lean into Him. Let go and let God.

One year on…

A year ago today, we became a family of three. Where I was a year ago – mentally and emotionally – are worlds apart. Going through a divorce is like a roller coaster. There are many highs and many lows and there are constant ups and downs. One day you think you’re fine, and the next few, you feel like your life is falling apart. For a few days you’re very happy and feel content, and then you hit an all time low when nothing specific has even happened. But then one day, instead of the first thing you think about when you wake up, it becomes the second!…

I am proud of where I am today and of how far I’ve come along. I think the assumption is that when the divorce is at your request, it won’t hurt as much – that’s wrong. Divorce is, afterall, the death of a relationship (in my case, a 21year one), the death of dreams and plans, loss of a person who you were essentially one unit with. It’s not easy to start your “new life” alone. It’s not easy being single when all you’ve known for your whole adult life is being in a relationship. It’s not easy single parenting (as I’ve blogged about multiple times). But here I stand today, and I can truly say that God’s love, grace, blessing and favour has brought me and my children this far.

I wanted to share a few things I’ve learned over this past year in the hope that I can encourage anybody going through a similar situation…and there are lots, even within my immediate circle, who I know of…

• Time is a healer…this is so true! I can’t say that there are no more low moments, but I can definitely say that they have become much less over the year. The person I was 12 months ago has evolved slowly into the strong woman I am today, and I know that things will only get better.
• Children are resilient…I’ve said this a whole lot of times, and even after a recent disappointment they’ve faced, I’m constantly reminded of this. They don’t understand the divorce now – they probably won’t fully until they are adults – but they have adapted to their changes during this season so well. Again, I know that it’s the touch of God in our lives, but my kids have really wow’d me.
• You do you boo…in rediscovering yourself and what you want out of life, there will be people who don’t agree with you, how you feel, your actions and decisions. It’s ok! Take the time to discover exactly what it is that you want, provided that you’re not hurting anybody else by your actions and decisions. It’s your life. If people look at you funny because you are not acting the way you always have, it’s ok. You’re allowed to change who you are, afterall, you’re now creating a new identity.
• Find your people…there will be days when you just want to be alone. Wow, I had a lot of those last year. I just wanted to be in a deep, dark, quiet hole on my own. Embrace that. If you need to cry, cry. If you want to stew in your thoughts and feel sorry for yourself, do that. But I think it’s important to find your people. Those you know you can call, message, bounce off how you feeling. Those who will listen and not judge, but just listen to you vent and allow you the space to pour out your feelings. Most importantly, surround yourself with people who will support you! Who know exactly how to pull you out of your hole or when you don’t need to be pulled out, who’ll crawl into the deep, dark, quiet hole with you, and just hold your hand.
• Find something that makes you happy…for me, this is dancing!! Whenever I have some spare time, my go-to is dancing. Not in my living room, at a club or pub. Somewhere where there are other people around and loud music. I love to dance and sing out loud to every song I know. It makes my soul happy. But if you don’t like to dance, find something else you love, even if it’s something you’ve never done before. Get out there and try new things. You never know, something you’ve never tried before can become your new love. A good friend of mine’s favourite quote is…“Whatever makes you happy, do that”…amen sister.
• Take time out to rest and to fill your cup…even if it’s for your mental health. So what if you miss a day (or a few weeks, yikes!) of gym? So what if you veg on the couch and watch mindless TV for hours on a Saturday? So what if the kids play TV games for the whole day so that you don’t have to worry about entertaining them and you can have a few hours to yourself? This I find especially hard as a single parent. It’s been extremely difficult at times when I’ve been at my all time low to parent the boys from nothing. I used to want to go out, get out of the house, or have a few days away from them, but what I’ve discovered is that leaving them for a few hours while I pop up to the shops on my own, or popping out for a coffee/drink with a friend, or watching a movie in the middle of the day, is sometimes sufficient. Like they say, it’s the little things that count. Whichever way you can fill your cup, make sure you do it as regularly as you can.
• Take it one day at a time…literally, at the beginning, I couldn’t see past the following day. I was either mentally shattered, absolutely exhausted, struggling emotionally to keep it together for my kids or at an absolute wits end about how to split myself into two, between two kids with different schedules, different work requirements, different emotional needs. The only way I learned to cope was to just focus on that day and nothing else. I got myself a white board where I wrote everything down, down to the food I was cooking every night. And when I finished everything for the day, I ticked it all off…and rewarded myself with a glass of wine 😉
• Worry only about the things you can control…this was has been really hard for me! But I’ve slowly learned the art of not worrying about things that I have no control of. The things that are completely out of my hands and that I have no influence over all after. Let go and let God! has been my mantra. And don’t sweat the small stuff…
• Stay plugged into church…this for me was one of the best pieces of advice that my pastor gave me. In our very first chat, she encouraged me to do this. When times get tough, make sure you’re still at church. Not just for me, but for my boys as well. I remember the first few months of church, I would sit there and my mind would be anywhere but on the message, but still I went. The worship encouraged me as it often does – I cried big fat tears in every single service. I received hugs from friends and family, friendly hello’s in the corridors, and my children had a community around them of friends every Sunday. Not only did I keep attending church, but I continued to serve and have even joined a Connect Group, all of which has allowed me to grow my faith community. Had it not been for this constant in my life, I a convinced that I would have been in a totally different space today.
• Trust in and lean on God…last, but certainly not least…my God has held my hand and kept me going through this period. He is forever faithful. His timing is absolutely perfect. He wants only what it best for me and my children. He is a good good father, and he has plans for me to prosper! And I firmly believe, the best is yet to come.

At the end of the day, this too shall pass. Initially, it felt like it was passing like a massive kidney stone, now it’s just a mild irritation. One day, I will stop counting the weeks and months. This season will be but a distant memory!

The following songs have been on constant replay for me over the last few months, so I would like to share these too. If you are going through struggles of your own – whether it be the same situation as mine, or something really difficult unrelated to my own situation – I hope that you find comfort in listening to them…

Firm Foundation

I Speak Jesus

Heart of God

Mum Guilt

It’s been a while since I’ve been here! Mostly because, once again, I really don’t have much to say. There is lots going on in my life..some exciting, lots of emotionally draining stuff, new territory and experiences, new people…but this is not the right place to share. At the same time, there’s not much going on. Same routine, every day…wake up at the crack of dawn for breakfast, make lunches, get done for work, school drop, work (the actual stuff that pays the bills), split myself into 100 parts for 2 children (they were right, 1 + 1 child does NOT equal 2 😉 ), the list goes on. Fortunately, it’s school holidays for the next two weeks! No 5:15am wakeups, no need to pack lunches, and no need to be on top of the extra-mural timetable. But holidays in itself brings the dreaded question of…what are you going to do with the children?

A colleague asked me today: “who’s looking after the kids?”. On a Monday and Thursday, I have a helper who comes in to clean, and therefore, another adult in the house for those two days. So today, they were home with her. And so I took full advantage and even managed to stop by the gym for a quick cycle on my way home from the office. I arrived home about 15minutes before she had to leave, and do you know what, I didn’t feel one iota of guilt! Besides which, the kids were literally home on devices all day living their best lives. Not my idea of fun, but right up their alleys. And while I really don’t think it’s healthy for them to be online all day, I am also aware that it will not kill them either. Where are they right now? Outside playing soccer, because mum walked in and declared that they’ve had ENOUGH screen time for one day 🙂 It felt so good to gym without feeling bad about it.

Having said that, today, the mum guilt reared it’s ugly head once again. Of course it’s not the first time! You mamas out there know what I’m talking about. But at least when their dad was around, he could step in, I had an extra set of hands. Now, there’s only one adult permanently in the house, and the guilt feels amplified.

And it’s a catch 22 really. I need the alone time for my own mental sanity, but getting the alone time means finding somebody to look after my children. And then I feel like – they’re MY children, they’re MY responsibility, other people have their own lives. My current home situation is the way it is as a result of MY choices. So I need to suck it up right? Wrong! The saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup” has never rang as true to me as it has over the past year.

I recently met with one of my pastors at church, and she dumbed it down for me really well. What do I need to do to make time for myself so that I can focus on my wellbeing which ultimately, will benefit my kids??? And she made me think of my situation a bit differently. Leave the boys at aftercare once a week, pay for a babysitter, were two of the options that actually haven’t crossed my mind at all. And ultimately, it means freeing up time for me. As she said – it doesn’t mean that I have to spend that time doing anything specific – even if means sitting at home watching TV for a bit longer, I really need to look at how to better my mental state, and I should aim to do that without feeling guilty at all. Besides which, there is no doubt in my mind that I am a great mum to my boys, so why should wanting time away from them make me feel bad?!

Anyway, I’m waffling…

Since then, I’ve gone away without the kids for a weekend. They didn’t die, neither did I 😉 I adulted for a weekend without worrying one bit about them. Next week, they’re going away with my folks for a few nights. I sometimes carve out a coffee or lunchtime for myself, sometimes with company, and I’ve had an evening out here and there with friends. I’m intentionally doing it because I think that it’s really important for my sanity that the kids are not with me aaaaalllllll the time, and it also does them a world of good to be away from me sometimes, especially Riley who is attached to my hip but that’s a story for another day.

The things my children say…

…some of the stuff is so bizarre, I couldn’t even make it up! I jokingly said to a colleague today that I should start blogging about it, maybe make it a series. Give my followers some entertainment to keep them going. But then I also want to blog about what it’s like going through a divorce. And I also want to blog about how it feels to be single after two whole decades. And also, how to manage single parenting two young kids 24/7…and and and…I get around to NOTHING. No blogposts. No writing stories and poems like I mentioned wanting to do more regularly over here. So yeah, not committing to anything right now, but I thought I’d share the last two conversations for your absolute shock and/or amusement 😉 Enjoy!

On Monday afternoon, we arrived home from school. The kids had barely even unpacked completely, when Ethan asked me if he could talk to me in private. Talking to me in private is basically code word for – what I’m about to say, Riley cannot hear – so I put on my big girl panties and braced myself for A LOT. As I walked into his room, he asked me to shut the door. I was NOT prepared for this conversation…

Ethan: “Mum, how many times does a girl have to have sex to fall pregnant?”

[Side note: I try and approach any questions around sex as biologically factual as I can. I don’t shy away from things. And I try and answer at their level as best as possible, which feels like it’s honestly getting harder and harder]

Me: “On the first time boy. A girl can fall pregnant the very first time she has sex. But please remember that sex is meant to be between a man and woman who are married. And marriage is designed by God for a man and a woman to have children and start a family”.

Ethan: “Okay, so let’s say she has sex with a man and falls pregnant. Then three weeks later, the man beats her up, she leaves and marries another man and falls pregnant with the second man. How would the doctor cut the first baby out of her stomach and sew her up so that the second baby can still stay in and carry on growing until it’s time for the second baby to come out?”

Cue a mini Biology lesson in which I explained how children are conceived, and how a woman cannot fall pregnant again during her pregnancy.

Ethan: “So if the second man’s sperm goes into the egg, how are the genes of the baby determined – does the baby have genes from both the first and the second father?”…

Do you understand why I say I cannot make this stuff up if I tried! Wow, IT’S. A. LOOOOOOTTTTTTT!!!! That then swiftly went onto a discussion about how a boy at school has been kissing other boys and I won’t bore you with the rest of the conversation. But I can tell you one thing, nobody prepared me for these types of conversations. I appreciate that Ethan feels comfortable to talk to me about anything, but at the same time, I feel so tempted to just refer him to nana or grandpa for them to have these type of deep conversations, hahahaha. It’s very hard not to just brush him off or roll my eyes as one question always leads to a whole lot more complex questions. Anyway, I digress…

Today in the car – at least the question was unrelated to sex! – Ethan asked me if I would refer to a pet as someone or something. My immediate response was – that’s a good question, I’m actually not sure…but for me, someone refers to a person only. Everything else would be something. So we debated it in the car, along with the neighbours who were getting a lift home with us. The neighbours felt that anything alive would be referred to as someone. My response was that then plants would be someone’s too, which is surely not right. The conversation turned into a really good debate and we discussed it for the whole ride home. As we were nearing the end of the ride, the neighbour piped up that he thinks there’s no right answer, and that it’s really a matter of perspective. My response was that I don’t think it’s perspective and I think that’s where a lot of problems in the world stem from – everybody thinking that it’s about perspective. Some things are black and white, yet people feel that they can decide otherwise because of their perspective…maybe a little bit too over the top for 11year olds!

And then I wonder why I’m so tired when I get home…. 🙂

Compliments of the season!

Last year, I wanted to start writing a book (I wrote a few chapters and I have a story line, but have not gone as far as putting it together in action!) AND write a praise and worship song. How did that go? It didn’t! In fact, even writing on this blog took a backseat, but that’s mostly because I actually had nothing to say here. I can’t guarantee that this year will be any different on the writing front but I really would like to get into writing more regularly again.

2022 was a good year for me overall. Yes, there were moments where I felt like the carpet had been yanked from under me. I experienced emotions that I cannot even being to explain – true gut wrenching, raw moments of sadness – mostly for my boys and their little boy hearts which have been pulled through the trenches so to speak, and still are going through the most. But there were many moments of happiness. I grew in so many ways, I experienced inner peace and contentment that I haven’t felt for so many years.

Navigating single parenthood was daunting, but when I look back to 9months ago, and I look at where I am now – man, have I come a far way. There are literally hundreds of memes that I could put here to explain how I feel, what I’ve gone through, my thoughts and feelings, my thinking going forward, but if I could sum up the highlights of things I’ve learned, these would be some of the key lessons;-

• God is in the detail
• Let go of the things that are out of your control, work on the things that are!
• Kids are resilient, I have seen this in action in my kids time and time again
• Gospel music is the only thing that keeps me together (this song is the one that carried me through 2022…Firm Foundation by Maverick City…find it out YouTube, you can thank me later)

The boys did so well in school last year. I kept saying…despite the circumstances…but you know what – one morning, while listening to the song above, I actually heard God speak to me and say…it’s not despite the circumstance, it’s BECAUSE of the circumstances. I was brave enough to change our situation, and my kids flourished because of it. Yes it was hard for them, it’s still hard, and I’m sure it will be hard for years to come. But my kids were a large contributing factor. What people don’t tell you about divorce is that it’s like a rollercoaster. There are real highs and real lows. Just when you think you’re on a high, you hit the lowest low out of nowhere. Something happens. Somebody says something. And boom, your heart gets shred in pieces! And the loneliness, wow, the loneliness. Not having any adult around to talk to, bounce things off, only the kids to chat, not being able to offload. It’s difficult, especially for me as a talker. As a single parent, I crave alone time, but then when I’m alone, there are times when I feel desperately lonely. That’s another learning…there is a difference between alone and lonely. And it’s so hard to make somebody who’s never been through a divorce understand these things! Anyway, I digress.

This year, I have no specific plans and no specific goals. I have not come up with a word for the year, which I’ve done for the last few years and actually find quite valuable! I am trying to dig deep here and figure out what I want to focus on, but nothing has come yet. It will come though, I have no doubt it will. This morning, my Bible reading and devotion for the day was “Surrender to God”…and it was such a good one. But also, I want to enjoy my life and finally give myself a break to be me! Which is not to say that excludes God. I’m very aware that I could not have gotten here without Him in my life and that God has a plan for me, He knows my heart, and everything will happen in His time according to His will.

Last year, I focused on healing. I cannot recall my word for the year right now, but during the course of the year, I had a lot of healing to go through and I am sure I still have lots ahead! In 2months time, I turn 40 and part of me wants to let loose and enjoy my life to the fullest again this year. Nothing reckless, just give myself the freedom to “indulge”…but then part of me goes – but you’re a single parent, your kids are your life, you cannot be indulging in anything. Like I say, the word will come, I’ll figure it out. But just some random thoughts there…

On that note, may 2023 be an absolutely amazing year for you and your families! May you be blessed abundantly, and may you find peace and happiness in the ordinary things in life.

P.S. I have been trying to figure out for ages as to whether the term “Compliments of the Season” is a general thing that lots of people say, or is it a phrase specifically used by non-white people. How do you greet people in the new year, do you say this, or do you just say “Happy New Year”???

How YOU Doing…

Sjoe, it’s been a while since I’ve been on here. More than a month. This is largely because I have nothing to share. As the kids often say (when trying to get away with something)… Nothing to see here 🙂

I cannot believe we’re already in November! In a few weeks, it’s going to be Christmas… I have yet to buy one gift… let’s not even talk about the boys’ birthdays that are coming up on the 5th and 11th of December. And what I cannot quite fathom (and I’m sure I’ve said this before), is why every year it feels like a surprise. I mean, my kids are almost 11 and 8, and I’ve celebrated Christmas for almost 40 years of my life, but every year as we near December, it’s like panic sets in and I am very much not prepared for any of these celebrations. I swear, it’s when the school workbook and stationery lists are sent out that I go into a flat panic…another thing that’s been happening for 5 full years, but feels like a blow to my stomach every November!!

Anyhoo, this year I’m taking 3weeks leave, something I haven’t done in a very long and man, am I looking forward to it. I finally started browsing the net today looking for the boys’ birthday gifts, and I looked through some magazines yesterday for gifts for my families. This year, the teachers are quite literally likely to be getting high fives, ‘cos the budget be tight y’all!!! Just kidding. But on that note, I heard a teacher on the radio the other day saying that she would prefer cash from parents. Have you ever heard of parents gifting teachers cash at year end??!!!! Surely that’s their salaries *rolls eyes*. Having said that, I feel her. Things are soooo super expensive these days, every extra penny helps.

The boys are doing so well and literally counting down the days till school is done. Exams end on Friday and nobody wants to go back to school after that, but alas, with me still working on till late December and no permanent help at home, they’ll have to maar vasbyt and at least go till the end of next week!

We have our final book club for the year on Saturday. The last one is always a read your own Christmas/seasonal book book club meeting. I have read in preparation for Saturday… NOTHING! No book at all guys. I’ve read more than 30 books this year, but in this last month – since the last book club book – dololo. So well, I’ll just have to grace them with my fantastic presence, enjoy the good food and company, and listen diligently to the other kids at the party, hahaha.

We’re going to be in the Berg for Christmas and I cannot wait. If there’s anything we’ve learned from the pandemic, for me, it’s the value of family. And I cannot wait to completely switch off and enjoy the time with my parents, sisters and my kids. Cos let’s face it, it’s very different spending time together at home versus time together away.

Anyhoo, that’s all folks! Signing out xxx

Allow me to rant…

Parenting is hard y’all – whether you’re doing it as a married couple, co-parenting, single parenting – it’s hard! My response to people often when they ask how the kids are doing is “they’re alive”, and man, there are days when this isn’t very far from the truth.

It’s so evident to me every day how our children are a direct product of what we make them. When we allow them to do things that we are actually not really happy with. When we accept the way they talk, backchat, use words that are not acceptable in the home. When we let them listen to music with lyrics that are not age appropriate because that’s what everybody is listening to (the latest I heard that almost made me ban music in our house…How can I be homophobic? My b*tch is gay), let them watch YouTube, play TV games that are age restricted, watch movies with a slightly higher age restriction. The list is endless and these thoughts are on my mind all day, every day. I feel like I cannot find the right words to accurately express myself in this post so I hope that I get my message across…

This morning, the boys’ besties were in the car with us on the way to school when my son commented on how he saw his buddy swimming in PE yesterday. The buddy replied to say that he wasn’t swimming and that Ethan must have seen somebody else. To which I then asked – “isn’t everybody required to swim in PE?”. The response was no, you don’t swim if you don’t want to. Guys, this is PE! You don’t have to swim if you don’t want to…how is that even a thing? When we were in school, you had to do PE unless you had a sick note. Sitting out was not an option. I remember in high school dreading having to change into my costume (in an all girls’ school nogal!) to get into the pool and swim because I wasn’t a great swimmer. Never mind that, the undressing afterwards. Having to deal with my bushy hair and still look semi-decent with conditioner plastered on it after swimming. Normal sport PE wasn’t much difference. I was not a sporty person at all and basically sucked at all sport, but there wasn’t an option. When it was PE, you did PE, full stop. How is it that the kids have an option to do things that are part of the school curriculum and what is that teaching them when they grow up…that if you don’t feel like doing something that’s required of you, you don’t have to do it just because you don’t feel like it?

Term 4 means that the kids are slap bang back into swimming and cricket (cricket is new to Riley, he actually opted not to play, but the PE coach asked him to join the match and well…buddy is now all in now!). Swimming means lessons at 5:50am on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning. That means they have to get up at 5:20, and we leave the house at 5:30. The pool is not fully heated, and not only are the kids cold after swimming, but they are also tired form the moment they open their eyes – as am I, but yeah, I’m the parent *rolls eyes*…pity I can’t cry every other morning, haha. Riley said last week that he doesn’t want to do swimming anymore and my reply was – you committed to being part of the team at the beginning of the year, you will end the year off as being part of the team, you don’t get to pull out just because it’s tiring or you don’t feel like swimming anymore. If you make a commitment, you see it through. There’s no option to back out, again…just because you don’t feel like it!

Yesterday, when we got home from school, Riley was still at his cricket match. It was only Ethan and I at home. Ethan asked can he watch YouTube. The rule in our house is simple – no YouTube or TV games during the week. It’s non-negotiable! Well, for the kids that is. If mum decides to be lenient and allow it, different story. Ethan didn’t have homework, and had just come home from a very long day at school. When he asked me, I said no because he’s not allowed YouTube during the week. He wanted to know why when he had nothing else to do, and also pointed out that his other friends are allowed to watch YouTube whenever they want. I sound like my parents here, but I agree with this sentiment that they often echoed when we were kids wholeheartedly – this is the rule in OUR HOUSE. I don’t care what other people are doing in their houses, good for them. But for us, this is the rule that applies, full stop.

Same with the TV games. His bestie is apparently allowed to play TV games every day after school for any length of time, whenever he feels like it. In our house, TV games are only allowed on the weekend from Friday after school. Even then, TV game time is regulated. The kids are only allowed a few hours on Saturday and Sunday. Unfortunately, this is not the same rules at dad’s house, but again, I do not care what other people are doing in their houses, this is the rule that applies IN. OUR. HOUSE!

Of course, not everybody parents the same, and this will be the case for the rest of their lives as kids. They will always be kids who they think have it better or easier. Always kids who seem to have more opportunities, nice things and special treats. Kids who have more freedom. Kids who seem to have “more fun”. But my role as their parent is to shape them into who they become as adults. How are these kids going to function as adults if they don’t need to commit as kids, if they have no responsibilities, if they can talk however they want, if they dictate the rules in the home???

Rant over…