Sometimes it’s the little things…

Being a mum of two littlies is no joke.  It can be extremely exhausting at times.  And the balancing act between being a wife, a mum, AND having a full day job is no easy feat either.  There are often days when I find myself just needing a break.  Just an hour or so to myself.  And it’s hard to get this in especially when on the other hand, you’re trying to get in more time with your kids.  And let’s not even talk about the guilt associated with wanting ME time!  I was told that this would be easier when I had a second child but to be honest, it hasn’t.  I often find myself leaving the house to go out with a friend or the hubster and I think – shame, the poor kids have to stay home.  And then I find myself wanting to get home so that I can at least say goodnight.  Or when I go to a work function, I send constant messages to the hubster to check if they’re okay and who went down when and then I feel bad for not being there to help out.  Yes, it’s something that I myself need to work on and I’m very cognisant of the fact that I also need some alone time or else I could go seriously batty with all the demands and stresses of life – it’s just finding the time to do it that’s a challenge in my life.

BC (before children), I had loads of time.  It’s quite a distant memory but I vaguely remember not having to answer to anybody when I wanted an afternoon out with the girls, being able to get home with supper not cooked in advance (yes – there was a time when I didn’t cook like a freaking nazi wife!!), not feeling guilty to just veg and do nothing after work.  One of my passions at the time was playing the piano.  Yup, playing the piano!!  You see, while most of my peers took up sports during our school years, I was never the outdoorsy type.  I played the piano – since the age of about 5years old – that was my thing.  I could spend ages indoors practising.  Getting a new music book (I clearly remember getting the Andrew Lloyd Weber book in standard 8 for about R230…a real treasure that I still love dearly even to this day) was like Christmas for me.  I would spend ages going through the songs, learning how to play them.  And then of course, my parents would be singing along somewhere in the house.  It was really my favourite for many many years.  For a little stint, I even taught kids on a Saturday morning…until Ethan arrived.  I’m sad to say that the piano was left to gather dust in the corner, and I barely glanced in its direction.  There were always more important things to do.

Well, a few months ago, I decided that I needed to get earphones for the piano – I have an electric one but I needed earphones with a bigger jack to fit the plug.  In this way, I’ll be able to play the piano even when the kids are asleep and the hubster is watching tv.  I’ve been speaking about this forever, well, at least for a few months now.  Don’t ask me why it only came to me in the last few months and not years ago – who knows!  Anyway, I started looking for a jack that would fit into the plug point in the piano.  I found it online for R30!  I mean, can you even get anything for R30 these days?!  I spoke about it often but I just never got there.  Until three weeks ago when the kids were in Durbs.  The hubster and I went up to the shops for brekkie and to walk around when he remembered the earphones.  We drove around to a few shops but couldn’t find the jack.  Eventually we managed to find actual earphones (8times more than the R30 that I’d seen the jack for online 😦 ) with a bigger jack.  We tested it when we got home – all was working – and I was super excited to get back into playing.  But then of course, the time was never there…

Every night, I found something else to do.  Mostly, catching up on series.  Otherwise, reading.  Until last night…last night I decided that I needed to give the new earphones a run.  And boy did I have fun!  I played for about half an hour.  I took out a few music books and slowly but surely, my fingers started moving as if I’d never stopped playing.  The hubster watched the football in peace – his form of relaxation – and I commented when I finished on how good it felt to play again, uninterrupted and how I want to do it more often.  To which he replied – that’s good.  If it makes you happy, you should do it more often.  And he’s quite right!  At that moment, I was very cognisant of how little things can make a person happy.  I mean, I didn’t have to spend any money, I didn’t have to compromise on time with the kids to do it and it really did make me happy.  I have a gift which I should use.  And where I can’t use it anywhere else right now, at least I can use it to make myself happy 🙂 🙂 🙂